I've heard it said many times that it is almost inevitable that we become our parents. In some ways, I hope so. Our house was clean and (with the exception of that one bit of the basement) organized, and yet it still always felt like people lived there. Now, unless I'm a squib born to magical parents, this should be within my capabilities, right? I never did get a Hogwarts letter though....maybe they just hid their abilities, so I wouldn't feel badly....
In any case, we work with what we have and who we are. Right now, I'm a perfectionist who feels awkward letting most people my mess - either physical or emotional. I'm working on both of those areas in very different ways.....sharing my emotional mess and cleaning up the physical one. Slow and steady progress is being made in each area.
Current goals:
1. Keep kitchen cleaned on a daily basis to make it easier to make healthy meals.
2. Keep bathroom cleaned, so I don't worry that guests might want to use it.
3. Stay on top of the piles of laundry, so there are always clean clothes in the drawers.
I know. Pretty basic goals. I'm not going to ever be Martha Stewart having some creepily perfect home. I just want to be able to invite any of you over for a cup of tea or coffee and not worry about having to keep every single door closed because stuff just got tossed out of sight.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Friday, March 8, 2013
In Pursuit of Perfection
For a little over three weeks now, I have been using concepts and suggestions from The Fly Lady to help get my life under control. Part of her premise is that you have to let go of perfect and just take it in baby steps. I've been using baby steps to be more organized and to start running again. It's been working wonders too. Here's the thing. I've realized this week that the reason that my ultimate goal with it all is for me to have that nice perfect house and life.
So.....I'm telling myself that I'm not perfect in hopes of it magically making me perfect. I think that I need to do some more work on the "I'm not perfect" part and add "and I never will be" to the mantra. Now if only I could really believe that......
So.....I'm telling myself that I'm not perfect in hopes of it magically making me perfect. I think that I need to do some more work on the "I'm not perfect" part and add "and I never will be" to the mantra. Now if only I could really believe that......
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Not Gonna
There are a lot of things that I want to do. These are good things to do, and I will definitely get them done. But not today. And not things month. And very likely not even this year. That pile of books I want to read? It's been sitting on the nightstand since we moved here, and it's only gotten bigger not smaller. That craft project? Untouched since September yet sitting out and mocking me. The programs to learn German or ASL? It's been a year since I touched either. Having these things out as a constant reminder of all the things that I'm not doing and all the ways that I have failed to achieve the things that I want to accomplish. Sure, it's possible that I'd work on one of these, but it's more likely that they'll just sit there.
One of the things that I read in Sun Tzu's "Art of War" is that sometimes it's best to withdraw, so you can fight the battle on more favorable ground and in better conditions. I've realized that this is going to be the best way to win the constant war on the forces that threaten to overwhelm me. I am never going to win a traditional style battle. The enemy force is much greater. Instead, I will strategically withdraw to cover and pick them off in a guerrilla style fight - one or two at a time. Eventually, the balance will tip, and I'll be the one with the superior fire power.
That's where "not gonna" comes in. It's very different from "don't wanna" because these are things that I do want to do. It's also more powerful than saying, "I might be able to" or "I'll try" because then there is guilt if I don't. It's so freeing to just say, "not gonna" to things that are good, but I don't have the time or energy to do right now. Maybe after my current goals have been met, I'll be able to look at some of those awesome extra things that I'd love to do some day.
The language lessons have been packed into a box along with the pile of books from my nightstand. I've just got one spare in case I finish the ONE book that I am reading right now. Any craft project that can't be finished in one quiet evening will be the next to go. Without all those failures staring at me daily, I can start to focus more on where I have had successes and build on them.
One of the things that I read in Sun Tzu's "Art of War" is that sometimes it's best to withdraw, so you can fight the battle on more favorable ground and in better conditions. I've realized that this is going to be the best way to win the constant war on the forces that threaten to overwhelm me. I am never going to win a traditional style battle. The enemy force is much greater. Instead, I will strategically withdraw to cover and pick them off in a guerrilla style fight - one or two at a time. Eventually, the balance will tip, and I'll be the one with the superior fire power.
That's where "not gonna" comes in. It's very different from "don't wanna" because these are things that I do want to do. It's also more powerful than saying, "I might be able to" or "I'll try" because then there is guilt if I don't. It's so freeing to just say, "not gonna" to things that are good, but I don't have the time or energy to do right now. Maybe after my current goals have been met, I'll be able to look at some of those awesome extra things that I'd love to do some day.
The language lessons have been packed into a box along with the pile of books from my nightstand. I've just got one spare in case I finish the ONE book that I am reading right now. Any craft project that can't be finished in one quiet evening will be the next to go. Without all those failures staring at me daily, I can start to focus more on where I have had successes and build on them.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Resolved
I am a clean freak perfectionist who loves making thoughtful crafty gifts for people and loves running. I am also someone who lives in a home so messy that I'm embarrassed to have company, has piles of half finished craft projects stuffed into closets, and is woefully out of shape. I know that it's possible to actually live the lifestyle that I'd like - I've seen people do it. I've even made several attempts to get there, started to make progress, and then lost energy and quit. (Ok, I lost the sheer panic of how much of a mess that I had made of things when I got back to a slightly less uncomfortable place, and I didn't have any backup fuel.)
That's what I'm doing here. I'm making this public not because I like being in the spotlight but rather because I need to hold myself accountable. It will also be nice to be able to look back and remind myself how much better things are and why I want to keep improving.
If there's anyone else out there who shares my plight, I invite you to embark on this journey with me. It's always easier with a battle buddy in the fray beside you.
That's what I'm doing here. I'm making this public not because I like being in the spotlight but rather because I need to hold myself accountable. It will also be nice to be able to look back and remind myself how much better things are and why I want to keep improving.
If there's anyone else out there who shares my plight, I invite you to embark on this journey with me. It's always easier with a battle buddy in the fray beside you.
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